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I'm sure there are people out there who love lunch. Who can't wait for that internal noonday bell to ring, the one that signals hunger and a break in the day, so they can crack open their Tupperwared leftovers, their brown paper bagged sandwiches, their styrofoamed take-out soup with plastic packages of crackers. They'll find a spot on a parkette bench and gossip with co-workers, gripe about bosses or discuss their favourite television shows. They'll laugh when a gust of wind blows away their napkins, and giggle when a firetruck drives by, unhurried and open for admiration and one of these lunch lovers will inevitably say "What IS it with firemen?" and everyone will nod and talk about the sex appeal of danger and men in uniforms. It IS a funny thing about firemen, isn't it! I mean, even though the heroic men who come to save your life will likely look something like this...(and I mean absolutely NO disrespect to these fine gentlemen)
...we somehow persist in thinking they'll look rather more like this...
Though I truly hope I never find out which is more accurate.
Breakfast, I adore you. You're the easiest one to get right, health wise. Dinner, you're my social meal, the one I share with family and friends and eat with childlike abandon. But lunch, you are utilitarian and lonely. Your primary function is shutting up my hunger in an insufficient amount of time. You're often accompanied with indigestion from eating too fast, or sleepiness from eating too much, or utter boredom, if you're on day 3 of leftovers and, like me, have only an attention starved cat named Pickle to keep you company in the staff lunchroom.
My memories of lunch as a kid are equally fraught with dissatisfaction. In junior school, I didn't have any friends, so I would eat in the institution-mint coloured bathroom on the ground floor and pretend to read if anyone came in, like I'd made a measured choice to be there. High school, I fared a bit better socially, but lunch had little to do with food, and me and my friends would sit in Tea Masters sipping bottomless hot drinks and eating Rice Krispie Squares well past the 'end of lunch' bell ringing. And as an adult, working primarily in retail jobs, well, you didn't get much of a lunch break, often eating bites between serving customers and swallowing larger portions of hunger-induced rage towards people for interrupting you.
So clearly, my lunch memories have little to do with the act of preparing and enjoying a noonday meal. Now that I'm working again, I'm struggling anew to figure out what to make for this troublesome meal. The other week, Husband and I had been at No Frills, where, despite my list and best intentions, I always end of being seduced by sale prices and buy things I don't need. There was a special on bricks of cheese for $2.99. $2.99 cheese! So I bought a hunk of Jalapeno Monterey Jack. But I didn't really know what to do with it after the initial 5 uninventive cheese sandwiches I made. So I found a good recipe for savory scones, courtesy of Canadian Living, and decided to make a bunch and freeze them, so I could take scones to work for lunch.I combined the dry ingredients in my trusty metal bowl:
I grated a bunch of Jalapeno Monterey Jack cheese. Hahaha! Look at my giant hands! (hopefully, that will distract viewers from how near my boobs are to my elbows. Way to go, unsupportive undergarment.)
Then, like the recipe renegade I am, I chopped up WAY more scallions than were called for. Whoops!
Everyone jumped in the pool of flour and mingled:
A shaggy dough was formed when the wet ingredients were added, and I had that mild panic I always get when my fingers get sticky. I don't know, is that an actual phobia? I washed the sticky off and formed the dough, cutting it into these pale, triangular beauties:
And about 20 minutes later, I had the perfect, golden, salty, creamy, spicy, flaky accompaniment to eat in the staff lunchroom alongside my daily apple and fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt.
With a side of Pickle.
Scallion-Spicy Cheese Scones, adapted slightly from Canadian Living:
2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 cup cold butter,cubed
1 cup shredded Jalapeno Moneterey Jack Cheese (smoked cheddar would be lovely too!)
1/2 cup scallions, finely chopped
1 egg
1 cup milk (I'm a 2% gal)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350-400 degrees F, depending on your oven. Combine the flours, salt and cayenne in a large mixing bowl and stir till well combined. Add the cubed butter, and using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour mixture till it resembles pea sized crumbles. I love that part. Conversely, you can freeze the butter ahead of time and grate it on a cheese grater, saving yourself a lot of bother. Add the grated cheese and scallions and stir to combine.
2. In a measuring cup, lightly beat the egg, then add the milk. Pour into the dry ingredients and stir with a fork to make a ragged dough. With lightly floured hands, press dough into a ball.
3. Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead lightly, about 10 times. Don't overwork the dough if you can help it. Roll it out into a rough circular shape about 1/2 inch thick, and cut into 8 pieces. Place on a lightly floured baking sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes, till golden brown around the edges. Let cool slightly, then eat!
It's something Husband noticed the other day about me, when I was feeling tender and full of uncertainty about my future due to the Situation I Will No Longer Talk About (rhymes with shmoblessness.) Something I didn't even notice about myself. It seems that when I'm thinking heavily about my mother, I break out my "As Time Goes By" DVDs and watch them obsessively, because Dame Judi Dench looks exactly like my mother, and Lionel Palmer is so much like my father. And when I'm feeling nervous about life and unsettled about myself, I tend to gravitate towards my 'Best Of Rhoda' VHS tapes, or my newest Rhoda treasure, Season 1 on DVD.
Rhoda Morgenstern. Patron saint of needless insecurity. Famed wearer of headscarves and often-questionable polyester garments. Wild hand gesticulator. Wisecracker with perfect delivery. A woman with such a hefty guilt complex, she actually felt responsible for World War II.
A woman after my own heart.
Why Rhoda? What is it about her that I find so reassuring in times of personal crisis? Perhaps it's seeing this woman, so beautiful, firecrackery and independent still working out the demons of a chubby childhood and a freakishly overbearing but loving mother. Maybe it's seeing someone who is so openly neurotic and still loving her so completely; something you don't see on television much anymore. I watch her and I see someone fighting herself and I breathe a deep breath of relief because here, at last, is someone I can relate to. She reminds me that it's okay to be unsure, but that you have to keep going, regardless of whether you feel capable of it. And you can't lose heart.
Watching Rhoda also reminds me that the 1970's was the most awesome decade ever. Woodstock and bra-lessness. (I would kill to go bra-less) Annie Hall and Kris Kristofferson. A man on the moon! But the foundation of my crush on the seventies is built primarily on its fashions - Gypsy tops and peasant blouses, sundresses and stacked heel boots . And my fondness for bellbottoms goes unabated; not only are they figure-flattering, but they offer the opportunity to wear an ankle holster, so you can hold up a convenient store in total comfort and inconspicuousness. Or, if you're not a thug, you could put some breath mints or your house keys in the holster, thus eliminating the need for a purse. Which is an ongoing goal in my life because I am missing the 'I buy good purses' gene and instead rely heavily on my sister's generosity with her good taste.
Another ongoing goal in my life? Simple food. A chronic over-complicator, I am still doing battle with my impulse to add another flavour, another layer, to any recipe. In aid of my affliction, I purchased a tiny cookbook that I'd flipped through at my sister's house, called "Just 10 Minutes", by Carol Wilson. Although the '10 minutes' claim makes me laugh - clearly this woman isn't a food blogger who stops to take photos and strategically arrange foodstuffs every 3 minutes - the recipes are clear and innovative. (And I was attracted to the book because its cover is a gorgeous metallic teal colour and I am in some ways perpetually 12 years old and drawn to sparkly, shiny things.)
I'd settled on a recipe called Fragrant Chicken. To me, chicken is the versatile meat. It is the little black dress of the animal-protein world. There is nothing simpler than making chicken taste good (other than over-cooking it and making it taste awful.) And on a day where I went through yet another awful job interview (seriously, asking me when I plan on having babies is NONE of your business, Potential Employer!) all I wanted was to make something tasty that wouldn't ask too much of me.
The recipe called for 1 fresh red chili. Fact: fresh red chilies are virtually impossible to find in Bloorcourt village. I've now been to over 7 grocery stores and fruit markets, and it's like searching for the vegetable Polkaroo. Where are they?!? Anyone?
So instead, I stocked up on some jalapenos; I fell in love with the sunset colour of this one:
I was also supposed to cut a knob of ginger in wafer thin slices, but after an attempt that left me with too-thick pieces and fearing for my fingertips, I decided to dice them finely instead.
I used pine nuts for the first time ever. These pale, creamy beauties aren't cheap! But then I looked them up on Wikipedia and apparently, in the United States, they are primarily harvested by Native American tribes, and so I hope with all my naivety that they receive a fair share of the profits.
I pan fried the chicken slices, then added the chili/jalapeno-spice mixture and the smell! Fragrant indeed! I was in for a good dinner.
Husband was out at band practice, so I had the house to myself. I poured a glass of wine, curled up on the couch with my dog and what was indeed a freaking delicious dinner and watched the movie "Sunshine Cleaning". During one bittersweet scene, I found myself choked up and started crying a little. And it dawned on me that this, my sensitivity, my resistance to becoming a hard person when life has handed me one or two reasons to be, is something rare and valuable, something essentially good in me. And perhaps that's all I truly need to get by in life; an undamaged heart.
And maybe a headscarf.
Fragrant Chicken, from "Just 10 Minutes" by Carol Wilson:
1 fresh red chili, seeded and finely chopped (or a jalapeno if, like me, you can't find red chilies)
1-2 garlic cloves, finely chopped ( I left these out, as usual)
2 scallions, finely chopped
1/2 inch piece of ginger, peeled and cut into wafer thin slices (I finely chopped mine)
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
3 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp pine nuts, lightly crushed
salt and pepper
2 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into thin slices
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
avocado, for garnish, if desired
Directions:
1. Combine the chili/jalapeno, garlic, scallions, ginger, ground cumin and coriander, 2 tbsp of oil and the pine nuts in a bowl and season with salt and pepper.
2. Heat the remaining oil in a wok or large skillet and when it's very hot, add the chicken slices. Cook over high heat for about 4 minutes, or until the chicken is browned on both sides, stirring frequently.
3. Add the chili/jalapeno mixture and cook for 4-5 minutes, or until the chicken is completely cooked.
4. Stir in the fresh cilantro and avocado, if using and serve immediately, on a bed of basmati rice, or you could use this as a pita or tortilla wrap filling.
Things to do when you have a rampant case of unemployment:
1.) Stay in bed with the covers over your head. Brood. Feel like crap and let everyone know it, especially your significant other. Let yourself get stinky, shed any and all sex appeal and see how long you can stand it. (Or how long your significant other can stand it.)
2.) Talk to your animals, they have big eyes and sweet faces and if you give them cookies, they will stick around to listen. Make them understand in great detail how crummy and jobless you feel. They may be supportive. Or, cookies now eaten, they may roll over and pretend to die of boredom, hoping you'll stop talking about yourself.
3.) Resist the urge to eat large amounts of inappropriate foodstuffs to the point of personal injury. It will not make you feel better.
4.) Get some fresh air. Even if it means going out onto the deck in your pajamas with a large cocktail and a good book. Even if it means pretending to read so you can drink and listen to your neighbours' conversations without feeling like a complete wiener.
5.) When you are feeling a little bit better, or a little bit drunk, whichever comes first, find a recipe and make something good for dinner. Like Tortilla Soup with Scallion Cornbread muffins. Get to work. Slice up some tortillas;
6.) Open up some tins of colourful things and be cheered - a little bit, not too much. You don't want to rush happiness.
7.) Chop up a bunch of onions, scallions and cilantro and accidentally benefit from some aromatherapy. It's like springtime in a bowl. Start cooking them down and adding the broth and getting the soup going.
8.) Time to start the scallion cornbread. Waste about 10 minutes photographing the scallions because the light is hitting them 'just so' and it makes you feel arty.
9.) Measure out your ingredients, like the cornmeal. Get a batter together and pop those muffins in the oven.
10.) While the muffins are baking, if you have the desire to make some guacamole, don't fight it. Add some tomatoes, lime juice and zest, red pepper flakes, cilantro, whatever you want in there. It will make those muffins sing.
11.) The soup should now be ready. Pour yourself a big, warm bowl and take one of the hot muffins and slather it with the guacamole. Find a seat, maybe at your large kitchen table. Turn on some music, put away the computer, books, the gazillion to-do lists you make for yourself and sit still. Taste your food. Shut up about the joblessness. Stop 'managing' your feelings. Just sit still and eat and be okay with where you are in life, even though it's nowhere near where you'd like to be.
12.) And finally, if all else fails, make sure you spend some time with someone who makes you laugh. It will fix what's broken, even if only for a moment.
Scallion Cornbread Muffins, from Everyday Food Magazine, with additions from me:
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1/2 cup all purpose flour
2 tbsp sugar
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp coarse salt
1/2 tsp smoked paprika (my add-in)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (my add-in)
1/2 cup + 2 tbsp buttermilk
2 tbsp oil
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/4 cup chopped scallions
1/2 cup corn, canned or fresh or frozen (my add-in)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. (I only heated mine to 350) Lightly grease 6 cups of a regular sized muffin pan with vegetable oil or butter. In a large bowl, combine the cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, smoke paprika and red pepper flakes. Make a well in the center.
2. Stir in the buttermilk, oil, egg, scallions and corn till well combined. Fill the muffin cups 2/3 full (I made mine completely full and had one less muffin. ) Bake till tester knife comes out clean, about 12-15 minutes, depending on your oven.
Pumpkin Tortilla Soup, adapted from The Kitchn:
3 small corn tortillas, sliced and cut into smallish squares
3-4 tbsp olive oil
1 medium white onion
2 garlic cloves (I didn't use these)
2 large scallions, finely chopped (my add-in)
1 cup finely chopped cilantro
1 tsp ground cumin
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
3 tsp chipotle pepper in adobo sauce (to your taste, really)
1 1/2 cups pumpkin puree or canned pumpkin
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes
3/4 cup corn, canned or frozen
1/2 - 1 cup medium-spicy salsa, like Herdez (my add-in)
5 cups unsalted vegetable stock (I only used 3 cups - it seemed to make a LARGE amount of soup)
1/2 tsp salt
Directions:
1. Heat the olive oil over medium-low heat in a large saucepan or soup pot. Add onions, garlic, scallions, cilantro, chopped tortillas and cook, stirring frequently until onion is cooked.
2. Add the cumin and cayenne and cook for another minute, stirring constantly. Add the chipotle pepper in sauce, the pumpkin, diced tomatoes, corn, salsa and the veg stock. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat and simmer for one hour. Let stand for a few minutes and serve hot, with tortilla chips and cilantro for garnish.
I've suffered from acute modesty my whole life. As a kid, I was never one to take compliments well.
I don't know where it came from, maybe it was just another part of being shy, but any time someone encouraged or praised me, I'd practically curl up into a defensive ball like a potato bug;
Well Meaning Individual: "Monika, you look really nice today."
Me: "What? Are you blind? I look awful. You clearly need your eyes tested."
Like it would kill me to say "Thank you, that's so kind." I would aim for nonchalance, but what came out was borderline hostile, and I'd invariably make the Well Meaning Individual feel rotten for talking to me. I was worried about seeming conceited, which, to my mind, was the exact opposite of being lovable. Even if I worked really hard at something, the recognition would send me into fits of blushes and bashfulness that were almost painful. What I really wanted was to be able to stand up and take my bow with grace.
And while I've grown up a lot and stopped being such a wiener about these things, I still kind of fret over it from time to time. You know how people preemptively apologize for a meal they've just made, because they can't bear the thought of having their dinner guests make horrified 'ugh!' faces at each other after the first bite? I've been guilty of that too. In the back of my head, I'd have the delivery pizza contingency plan on standby at the first sign of trouble. But I'm making a concerted effort to not do that anymore. It's tedious. It's exhausting. And as much as cooking is about the finished result, it's every bit as much about the sense of accomplishment and the love that goes into cooking for people you like.
I've been subscribing to Body + Soul magazine for a couple of years now. Much like All Bran or the at-home yoga DVD I've never used, it makes me feel healthier just having it around. I love this magazine because among other things, they have really great, simple recipes. With the fantastic food styling and stunning photography, it's hard not to be seduced by the recipes. My new issue came last week, and I saw the Mushroom, Scallion and Spinach tart and thought "Ding Dong! This would be perfect for my sister's birthday lunch!"
So I got all the ingredients ready...
Look at that spinach, shamelessly sunbathing in the colander;
I roasted the veggies and made the phyllo dough base. I put together the custard-like filling, assembled the tart and popped it in the Demonic Oven, checking on it often to make sure the dough wasn't burning. And when it came out?
I couldn't believe it. It was gorgeous. No - it was breathtaking. It looked like the picture in the magazine. I let the tart cool a little, then bundled it up and carefully walked it over to my sister's house. Her husband had come home early and we each polished off two big pieces of it. "Moni," my sister kept repeating, "this is REALLY good!"
I'd issued no disclaimers or warnings about the possible awfulness of the meal when we sat down to eat. I'd simply set it out and hoped for the best. And you know what? It was really good - flaky, salty, creamy, earthy. Totally something I would order for myself at a restaurant. And so I devoured, without the faintest tinge of modesty, my compliments. And they tasted wonderful.
Mushroom, Spinach and Scallion Tart, a Body + Soul recipe by Sarah Carey:
1 lb mushrooms (combination of button and shiitake is recommended, though I just used creminis) trimmed and sliced 1/2 inch thick
5 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp kosher salt
12 scallions, ends trimmed and cut into 2 inch pieces
10 sheets of phyllo dough, 14x19 inches each
2/3 cup of goat cheese
3 large eggs
1/3 cup milk
3 tbsp fresh chopped herbs (I used thyme and rosemary, but you can use whatever you like)
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. (Demonic Oven functioned at 350 and it worked out just fine)
2. On a baking sheet, toss mushrooms with 2 tbsp oil and 3/4 tsp salt. Roast for 10 minutes. Toss in the scallions and roast for about 15 minutes. Push them to the side and place spinach on the empty side, roasting it till wilted, about 3 minutes. Let it cool a bit, then squeeze extra liquid out of spinach.
3. Brush an 11x7 inch rectangular tart pan with a removable bottom with some of the remaining oil. (I just used the same baking sheet I'd roasted the veggies on - again, work with what you've got.) Keeping the sheets of phyllo between two damp dishcloths, work with one sheet at a time, placing it on the pan and brushing it lightly with oil. Bear in mind you'll be folding the sides and edges under to create an elevated crust if you're not using the tart pan. If using the tart pan, there should be a 1 inch overhang. Repeat the process of brushing oil with each sheet. When finished, fold the edges according to the pan you're using.
4. Line the middle portion of the crust with foil and put some dried beans or something on top to hold it in place. Bake it like this for about 5-7 minutes, or until the edges are golden and beginning to set. Remove the foil and bake until golden all over; about 3 minutes. If the edges are browning too quickly, you can cover them with foil.
5. Reduce oven to 375 degrees (Demonic Oven stayed at 350) In blender or food processor, puree goat cheese, eggs and milk with remaining 1/4 tsp salt till smooth. Add the herbs and pulse to combine. Spread the mushrooms, scallions and spinach over the crust and pour the custard mixture over top.
6. Place tart back in the oven and bake till the custard is set, about 20-25 minutes (watch carefully that the crust doesn't burn) Remove from oven and let cool for about 10 minutes. Then devour it, with pride.
